[00:00:24.500]
of the y ‘all are crazy ranch podcast. We have a treat for you today because it’s Valentine’s Day weekend here. So we’re going to be talking about love.
[00:00:34.700]
Yeah. Valentine’s. It’s my favorite holiday.
[00:00:37.600]
Really?
[00:00:38.300]
No, not really. Not really.
[00:00:40.000]
So I have my red heart shirt on because I’m getting ready to go to Valentine’s Day parties at the kids school. And then tonight I have a tea party at the venue for women that I’m hosting. So I’m excited.
[00:00:53.400]
Yep. Valentine’s is great.
[00:00:55.800]
What’s so funny? I’m just going to throw this in here.
[00:00:58.500]
I was somewhere the other day and somebody was like what are you guys doing for Valentine’s Day? And I was like going to a wrestling tournament and she’s like, oh like you and your husband aren’t going out to dinner I like doing anything special. I said We’re just in the season of our life right now that we have kids We have a lot of things going on in life and we’re just okay with it like we don’t feel slighted or sad or We just feel like you know what this is the season we’re in and we’re happy in it Yeah, and I you know me I don’t like obligatory Stuff like that that like you expect to get things because of a certain day or you know
[00:01:41.600]
I think that you should show acts of love and other things on a bunch of the other days of the year Not to say Valentine’s can’t be a good thing.
[00:01:50.600]
I’m just I don’t know I go through phases of sometimes I like it sometimes it’s like yeah Well for us to like tomorrow night if we get home in time, I have steaks So we’re gonna cook steaks and celebrate at home with the kids and we’ll probably talk about like what do you love about? You know each other and we’ll have them share things or like we can even incorporate, you know How God loves us and we can bring that into the discussion so Valentine’s Day I think anytime we can show love to each other is a great thing But I don’t think we should feel like disappointed if it’s maybe doesn’t meet our expectations Because we are in a season that we don’t have as much time as we used to have no
[00:02:29.600]
So today’s episode is going to be titled marriage tips from a couple that’s been married almost 17 years with seven kids For our 17th wedding anniversary, we’re gonna do something we have not done since our honeymoon We are going to an all -inclusive resort vacation by ourselves by ourselves We have not been on a vacation by ourselves without kids other than like a one -night getaway I think we went to a big Cedar Lodge for two nights a couple years ago But that’s like all we’ve ever been able to do is like a one two night quick getaway
[00:03:12.100]
so this is our first time to actually like go on a vacation where we’re like not just driving like 30 minutes away or whatever a couple hours away we are flying to Jamaica.
[00:03:23.500]
Yeah and we’re doing what three nights?
[00:03:25.200]
We’re only doing three nights so it’s not long, one Thursday through Sunday at this point in our life with so many children and you know we’ll be in sports and we’ll have other things to do so hey it’s a three -night getaway but it’s gonna be a true vacation for us we’re so excited.
[00:03:41.400]
Yeah and we like taking our kids on vacations you know so we take them you know.
[00:03:45.600]
We travel a lot but we take our kids with us and we love it and we like them to experience it with us.
[00:03:52.000]
Yeah I think that’s the goal but this one will be nice a little getaway with us and
[00:03:57.500]
So hopefully on today’s episode you guys get some good takeaways by all means we don’t have marriage all figured out I don’t know that you have to always give a disclosure like that but you know any time we talk on a subject it’s like, you know, we’re speaking from the heart and our experience and you know, hopefully we can help some people and being married for 17 years and Having seven kids together that is a that’s a good feat It is quite a feat and like you said we do not have it all figured out and and like I say a lot we are speaking from the perspective of Almost 39 you just turned 39 You’re old people and our perspective may be different in the next 10 and 20 years But this is where we’re speaking from right now.
[00:04:37.400]
Yeah with the life experience we have right now Yes, hopefully this is helpful. We are going to have My parents on the podcast this summer because they’re getting ready to celebrate their 42nd wedding anniversary
[00:04:49.800]
So I told my mom the other day, and she’s probably already getting nervous, but they’re going to talk about it from a couple’s perspective that’s been married longer than us, so that’ll be really cool.
[00:05:03.200]
47.
[00:05:04.600]
42. Yeah, 42. They got married in 1984.
[00:05:07.400]
That’s the hustle.
[00:05:08.700]
Yes.
[00:05:08.900]
People forget about this. When you make your marriage vows, it’s till death do you part.
[00:05:15.600]
What I’m sure about your grandma, what she says, what Mimi says about keeping.
[00:05:23.100]
Yeah.
[00:05:24.000]
Oh, about keeping your commitments. How long were they married?
[00:05:27.900]
I don’t remember. Do you? Was it 70?
[00:05:30.500]
They were married. Poppy passed away two years ago. It had to. Yeah, it was 70 years. Because I think we celebrated their 70th wedding anniversary. Remember that?
[00:05:40.800]
I don’t know. It was about 70, somewhere in there. It was a little over 70. Yeah. And she made a comment one time.
[00:05:47.900]
And she said, I think she was, yeah, we’ll kind of keep it vague, but she made a comment to somebody that hadn’t been, they got divorced, and she said, what’d she say, marriage isn’t always easy. She’s like, but we kept our commitments. And it was like, yes, way to go Mimi. Like that is the hustle. And that’s the reality of it. I mean, if you’re gonna be in a partnership in a marriage with somebody for 42 years, like your parents, or 70 like my grandparents, you know, it’s not always gonna be just super easy, but it also doesn’t have to be super hard either. There’s just, I don’t know, a lot of people get it wrong and grow apart. And we’re gonna talk about that today, so.
[00:06:29.100]
Yeah, we had a beautiful picture with his grandparents because we do have some divorce in both sides of our family.
[00:06:34.300]
but we saw so much good with his grandparents being married so long and literally watching them like take care they basically took turns taking care of each other yeah at the end of his life like she was sick for a while and he would just take such good care of her and vice versa and we got to be with him on I think we were with him the day before he passed and I mean it’s just beautiful memories thinking about that time of they literally stuck by each other’s side until death and yes they were just a wonderful example to us and so thankful for them and then my parents as well my parents got married when my mom was 17 my mom my dad was 21 and still going strong and they’re a great example to us as well so you’ll hear more from them later so we’re speaking from our perspective we’ve shared with you before we were set up on a blind date in college okay those never were
[00:07:33.400]
If you’ve ever been set up on a blind date, usually a disaster.
[00:07:36.800]
Yeah, both of us were reluctant to even go, but.
[00:07:39.600]
Yeah, we went.
[00:07:40.800]
We did.
[00:07:41.400]
And that’s just a good example, like, hey, you gotta go for it sometimes. Sometimes you just gotta put yourself out there. But we definitely didn’t go into it with the expectation of this is gonna be who I’m gonna marry.
[00:07:52.500]
No.
[00:07:53.200]
It was like, well, I guess I’ll go do this. I remember I had a softball game and it was like a low -key date because we went to our friend’s apartment who they were cooking dinner. So they’re like, you guys come, dinner and games. And so it was just kind of like, okay, we’ll just go hang out. Low -key. But I think we, after that night, we’re like, okay, that’s definitely something we want to pursue. And then we had another date by ourselves. And then another date by ourselves. And after we got a few weeks in, we’re like, okay, this could be serious.
[00:08:27.400]
Then a couple months after that. It was okay. I think this is the one and we got engaged six months after meeting Yep, which sounds crazy now, but it certainly didn’t seem crazy at the time.
[00:08:39.700]
It seemed like right Yeah, I know I was ready to Find a soul mate and be married and you know, that was them That was my mission at that stage of life and so 22.
[00:08:51.200]
So I just think we were a good We were at a good stage. Yes life Been about to finish college. It was just it was right and then we were engaged and we got married six months after that Yeah, so I have my wedding dress in here if you can see if you’re watching the video you’ll be able to see this is my wedding dress and We keep it we store it here at the ranch house. So I thought it would be appropriate to pull it out and just Have this as part of our set today. I also have our wedding photo if you’re watching you can see that
[00:09:23.200]
young kids yeah we were 22 when we got married and what I see when I look at that is like oh that’s beautiful like you know we had such a pretty wedding it’s so pretty but then I also think gosh like yeah we’re the same people but how much have we grown since we were 22 young kids being married oh yeah cuz we’re not even the same people from like you know who we are day -to -day life and stuff like that you know so really what we want to talk to you guys about today is the importance of growing together as you are married yes you are going to grow like if you’re the same person at 22 is when you’re 39 that’s a problem yeah want to grow yep you want to change you want to develop
[00:10:12.900]
Now let me tell you who you are is going to What’s the right word Magnify I think as you get older You know, you’ve told me you’re like I knew you were an extrovert when I married you But I didn’t realize to what extent yeah, and now even 17 years in you’re like Okay, like this is even more prevalent maybe than it was But it’s just being magnified as I get older because you want to do all the things You know all the events all the parties all that to an extrovert, you know Everything somebody invites us to you’re lucky. Yes, and I’m always no In that that’s the difference when you have an introvert and extrovert get married, which is usually the case.
[00:10:59.300]
Yeah Hey you want to go hang out with no
[00:11:03.600]
And I’m like babe. Hey, there’s this party at no He’s always a no first and something and sometimes I have to respect that and sometimes I have to be like but we need to go Yeah, I also love hosting. I love bringing people together. I have major FOMO and you kind of have the Joe mo Joy, yeah, that’s right. I had to think about that for a second funny is our kids are half and half Half are like me half are like you So that’s just it’s really funny to have children and see yourselves and your children me and Bradley love to miss out Yeah, and I’m like stay home talking about you don’t want to go be a part of that and you’re like No, I’d rather just stay home. Thanks. Yeah, but I push Riley out of her comfort zone a lot
[00:11:46.700]
Yes, she’s grown a lot because of that. Yes, so I did get this we have one daughter So I got my wedding dress preserved. I only did this like I don’t know five years ago Just in case she wants to wear it someday and chances are very high that she won’t Because she’s definitely a lot different from me. Yeah, I wanted to do it just in case or maybe our granddaughter Who knows, you know?
[00:12:12.300]
Just in case yeah, I’m gonna set this down Because it’s in my way of my knee It’s a big box.
[00:12:19.400]
Yeah, it’s a big box So we’re gonna talk about marriage tips today. So like we were talking about growing together
[00:12:28.100]
Oh, there’s so much to be said about this, but when you Yeah, I don’t know one thing that comes to my mind is like Proper communication is is very important because you’re gonna be you know, you get married It’s just you two then you you know, maybe kids come along and stuff like that Proper communication meaning like you have to talk about the important things. You can’t just have surface level communication What I mean is like where are you at today or you know, hey, I got to go here. Hey, I’m talking about like good good deep conversations and And staying on the same page as you’re building your life, you know, we’ve gone from
[00:13:13.400]
college kids to being married, to living in an apartment, to living in a house, to having kids, having lots of kids, to going self -employed, to creating several Oklahoma Grassfed Beef businesses.
[00:13:28.300]
Well, we’ve done all that through proper communication with one another and being on the same page and neither one of us just kind of go in one direction without the other. You know what I mean? And that’s kind of what we talk about about growing apart because if you’re not careful you live two separate lives, right, and you kind of become roommates and then there’s a lot of people that get divorced around the 10 year to 15 year mark because you know, they might have kids in that time frame, but then once those kids come and they kind of get in these routines
[00:14:02.200]
grow apart and then all of a sudden they’re like they don’t even really know each other even though they live with each other all day or every day and proper communication is Very very important in your marriage Yeah, it definitely is and for us.
[00:14:18.200]
We are not a couple we’d kind of laugh about this sometimes we don’t Know where each other is at all points of the day We don’t check in with each other multiple times a day We both do have life 360, but it’s more of like so I can be like, oh he said at home now I can start supper things like that I don’t call you to make Decisions throughout the day right unless it’s a big one that we need to make together, right? But like and a lot of couples are like that and that’s not bad. That’s just not how we do it. Yeah, so That’s what works for us. I think you trust me a lot that I can make a lot of decisions without your input on everything
[00:15:00.800]
Yeah, we have a unique situation. We’re both, you know, firstborns Taipei’s Both Oklahoma Grassfed Beef business owners and it’s a different dynamic. There’s you know, there’s not like a leader like a I don’t know No leader is a wrong word. But you know, we’re there’s not like a dominant role in a supportive role or whatever you might call that And so we both have a lot of things going on every day so we don’t have you know, we trust each other to get things done and make the best decisions and We are both firstborns Which is very rare in marriage when we were at our primarital counseling.
[00:15:35.900]
The pastor said are you guys sure you want to get married? Because two firstborns that does usually does not work. Yeah, and we’re like really? Oh Okay, we hadn’t thought about that. And as we’ve been married longer, we see what he meant. Yeah, we definitely because Firstborns both the tendencies are we want to lead you
[00:15:58.200]
We want to be right. We want to control things type a personalities. So we definitely see like why this May not work in many Oklahoma Grassfed Beef cases.
[00:16:07.900]
Yeah, we’ll you know, we’ll get in arguments and We’re each trying to dominate one another and then it’s like, oh That’s what he was talking about and it’s like, yeah Mike So we get it now and that’s kind of another good point too is like when you understand each other On that deeper level and know that like where some of that’s coming from You can give each other a little bit more grace in those moments and go that’s just how they are Yeah, well we had this happen just a few weeks ago I mentioned it we had we came in to do a podcast and we’re like we got into a disagreement and We were like we can’t record today.
[00:16:46.800]
Like yeah, we got a table this but I think that one did kind of end with like Hey
[00:16:52.700]
We both want to be right. Yeah, but there’s no winner like this. We are on the same team So we have to come together reach this agreement together and move forward Knowing that you’re on the same team is very important. We’ll say that sometimes in an argument same team Being right in this argument doesn’t really matter, you know You know and we often look at each other and say I couldn’t be married to anyone else We’re like God just knew that we need to be married to each other because we would not fit well with other people No, and hope maybe hopefully you and your spouse are the same way. Yes Okay, God knew he put us together for a reason and I think there’s also seasons with marriage of
[00:17:45.700]
Um, you know things just change as you get married you change jobs careers when you go from having zero to one child Your life totally changes For us it was a huge jump between one to two One or two kids. Yeah when we had our second now granted they were 15 months apart, which is extremely close But from going from we always tell people we get asked all the time What’s the hardest number of kids and we still say one to two. Yeah, people are like what we’re like Yeah, because you’re learning how to balance and juggle having two children So that that is still our hardest I’m like after you get past for the hardest thing is just logistics. Like how do I fit all these kids in this car? Yeah, you know, how do we go space for this traveling?
[00:18:36.300]
How do you fit all the suitcases?
[00:18:38.300]
Stuff like that to do things with a large family that hey it may not be a problem for people who have one two three Kids, but for us we just have to pivot and do things differently Yeah, so we’ve had to learn that over the years. We’ve definitely had to overcome like losing friendships and Making moves because we’ve moved many times together and so like when we moved out to Chandler three years ago, we knew Maybe like two families, but not well But we just kind of knew who they were. But basically we had to start over With everything out here. So we’ve done all that together.
[00:19:16.000]
Yeah, it’s been good But I think too like when you when you first get married and then you have kids and you free I have your first kid It’s like you can take all your focus and focus on that child and you need and you have to for a little for a while, right, but but it’s important to
[00:19:32.100]
Pay attention and and and focus back on your marriage, right? And a lot of couples I think miss that because it’s easy to do. I mean you love that child.
[00:19:42.300]
That’s cuz your life More for the mom than the dad for sure but still it’s it’s an easy trap to fall into where now your kid or your kids become like More important than your marriage and somebody might say well, they’re not really more important But your calendar would say otherwise and your husband wife You guys don’t actually spend a lot of time together and the kids do rule your life and that’s a day that’s a dangerous place to be and as a couple you have to constantly pay attention to that and make Sure that your marriage stays healthy and stays a priority
[00:20:17.500]
Yes, because if that’s healthy and a priority then the kids will be taken care of Well, if you just take care of kids and then you grow apart over ten years and get divorced well, guess what? your good intentions of being You know doing the best for those kids you just you know Honestly, you just failed at that because when you’re the when the marriage falls apart boy, it’s hard on the kids You know, yeah, I mean you can speak for that personally. Yeah, and it never it doesn’t get better It just there’s more problems that arise the difficulties never end When I talked to to other people that their parents were divorced they have the same thing and they’re like my parents don’t understand It’s just it’s it changes your whole family dynamic and it does and so I would just tell you to focus on your marriage as you’re building your life together and We have some routines that work for us that Help us have that good communication and stay together, you know, we eat supper around the dinner table
[00:21:14.600]
every night, unless we’re eating out, which isn’t very often, because you don’t eat out a lot with seven kids, you know? And so for the most, that’s a set deal in a day that we come together as a family and we talk.
[00:21:27.300]
But even as we’re eating out, we’re together, we’re around a table.
[00:21:30.800]
Yes.
[00:21:31.500]
So it’s still the same thing. And I do think it’s important to teach your Oklahoma Grassfed Beef kids how to go out, eat in public, you know, but we’re still together.
[00:21:39.000]
And now, like in our mornings, a lot of times we get to spend some time together. Now we’re both, I’ll be reading my Bible, you’ll be reading yours, you’ll be getting ready probably while I read my Bible. But we’re still together a little bit in the morning and we have some dialogue and some conversation. And then in the evenings, we make sure that we have it, what, at least 30 minutes of dialogue, whether that’s, you know, we go into our master bedroom and shut the door and, you know, take showers and, you know, have some privacy time while the kids are in the living room watching the show. But that.
[00:22:12.100]
We’re intentional about that time we are and I think I think that can be a little bit maybe Controversial or unknown but for us like that’s just our kids know for that time in the evenings We put the baby in his jumper. So he’s contained. He’s happy our big kids are You know keeping an eye on him for us. We’re literally a knock away if they need us Yeah, but they we turn a show on for them and they all watch their show the baby’s happy contained And that’s our time to talk And I what I love about this is it’s showing our kids Oh, this is what you do when you’re married and sometimes we’ll come out and they’re like Oh gosh that took you guys a long time even though it’s like the same time every night and I’m like mommy and daddy We’re talking.
[00:22:57.100]
Yeah, we got to talk Also, I mean, how do you create more kids? You know, you got to have time
[00:23:06.000]
You knew I was going to say that too. No I didn’t know, but you did. Hey it’s true though, but in all seriousness it’s like, and then we have a hot tub, so we’ll sit in the hot tub outside and that might be 20 -30 minutes, however long that thing runs before the jets shut off, and but we make sure that in the mornings we have time together, you know, around the dinner table we have time together, in the evenings we have time together, that it’s just me and you, so we have those three spots that.
[00:23:32.900]
It’s not always perfect.
[00:23:34.600]
It is not perfect, no.
[00:23:36.200]
Sometimes I have to look at him and be like, look me in the eye. I need to tell you something important, because a lot of times when I’m talking to you, you’re thinking about other things, and you’re not listening to me, and how many times have I had to say babe, I’ve told you that three times.
[00:23:50.300]
times already.
[00:23:51.100]
Oh yeah, and I’m honest about it. I say babe, there’s times I look at you when you’re talking to me but I ain’t listening to a word you’re saying and I don’t do that on purpose. It’s not intentional.
[00:24:02.300]
If you are a wife in here you understand.
[00:24:04.800]
It just happens.
[00:24:05.500]
Or if you’re a husband you have heard this.
[00:24:07.800]
And I know this about myself and it’s just I I try to get better at it but it just happens.
[00:24:13.600]
So sometimes I just have to look at you and be like listen to what I’m saying I need you to like Yeah. And so sometimes you have to do that ladies. Something that I think is important that we do is we like on the weekends we don’t go our separate ways.
[00:24:29.400]
Yeah.
[00:24:30.100]
We stay together. Now granted there are times when I’m like I need to go show a Oklahoma Grassfed Beef house.
[00:24:35.600]
I’m going to be gone for three hours and you know, that’s what we do or I have an event I need to go do so you have the kids or you go do something there are times but for the most part we are together on the weekends and our kids are together and our families intact on the weekends we’ve talked about that before like if we have a wrestling tournament we all go yeah we all go together so we’re not like you go here you go see you Sunday night that’s just not a goal for us and that’s a thing that can be easily overlooked because you’ll let’s say you have two kids and one kid wants to play this sport and the other kid plays that sport
[00:25:18.800]
or they’re just on different teams. And then, you know, you decide to sign up for the even better team or whatever, the travel ball team. And then those coaches, like, they’re always gonna be asking more and more of you. Okay, they just always will. There’s always another level. There’s always another trophy to chase, another better team to be a part of. And then before long, it’s like, mom’s going this way, dad’s going this way. And like you said, they got a tournament here, a tournament there. They don’t have the time in the mornings together. They don’t eat supper around the dinner table. The evenings are chaotic. You go to bed, you get up, go to work. Then the weekends come, they’re even more chaotic. You’re going your separate ways. You can have years go by and go, holy cow, we spend like zero time together.
[00:26:02.900]
You know what I mean? It’s very easy. Here’s the deal. It’s easy to do. That’s the scary part. It’s like, it can happen to you so easily and you don’t realize it. Yeah, and I think, you know, I’m not saying by any means that.
[00:26:18.500]
You know as a woman you should feel like I can never like leave my family or That you have to be controlled That’s not the goal. The goal is to want to be together yeah, and to create Oklahoma Grassfed Beef routines and rhythms for your family that you want to spend time together and It just becomes normal So for us, like we’ve said church together every single Sunday well, I think yeah that just made it another point on my top of my head and this is just who we are as people of faith, but like if You don’t have Christ in your life
[00:27:00.700]
It’s got to be super hard to have a successful marriage.
[00:27:04.200]
Yeah, we don’t know how it is without.
[00:27:06.100]
I don’t know. But I’m not saying they don’t exist. But I’m saying if without Christ and Christian faith, the marriage has got to be so much harder. It starts there because that changes your whole worldview, the way you look at things, how serious you take your commitment of marriage.
[00:27:29.400]
Well, I’ve heard it said when you’re a Christian in marriage, it’s not a contract, it’s a covenant.
[00:27:34.200]
Yes.
[00:27:34.600]
And so when you’re married as a Christian couple, it is a covenant, not just like on paper with that the world approves of like it’s a covenant with God. And so when you think of it that way, it makes marriage even more serious and more worthwhile.
[00:27:51.800]
Yeah, we really probably should have started there. That’s the most important part.
[00:27:55.200]
And if you’re not there yet, you can…
[00:27:57.400]
there. You can’t we’re not saying like you have to have everything figured out right now but you know that is the goal and so if you’re not there yet and you want to get there start there and get there together. If your spouse isn’t there yet pray for them have friends in agreement praying for them and get there together because I think it just makes marriage so much better easier and more fulfilling.
[00:28:24.700]
Yeah and if you’re dating somebody and you are a Christian and they are not and you think you want to get married you better you better tread lightly.
[00:28:32.100]
I always say at the Charlie Kirk videos when somebody in the audience would be like so my girlfriend is not a Christian he’s like break up yeah but he’s like nope it won’t work break up.
[00:28:42.500]
Yeah he’s like she’s not a Christian I am I’m a Republican they’re a Democrat he’s like no like just look
[00:28:49.500]
Marriage is tough enough. If you’re not aligned from the beginning on those core values and issues Oh my gosh by the time you have kids and you’re wanting to raise them one way and they’re one to raise them another Just just don’t do I would not do that and you don’t have to be the same in everything like no That’s not good either, but those core issues you better be aligned Yeah, your faith like your core issues what you believe how you want to raise your kids have those talks before you get married Because it’s super important.
[00:29:17.600]
Yes, you don’t have to be the same people Right. I always think it’s funny that God usually seems to bring together Opposites and they say opposites attract. I don’t know why it’s super weird when you think about it We often talk about who our kids are gonna marry and we’re like, well Briley’s very quiet So she’s gonna have to marry a very outgoing man
[00:29:36.200]
And Bowen’s like super talkative and so he’s gonna have to marry probably a girl who doesn’t talk as much Because they would just and talked all the time. We’ll see Time will tell it’s important to pray for your kids spouses But yeah, your faith is gonna be your root system.
[00:29:54.700]
So dive into that Grow together in that make your faith a priority because it’s gonna affect everything else Yeah, and it helps because your flesh might want the Things of the world that are supposed to make you happy. Well, the reality of that is is none of that is Brings true happiness. It’s it’s you only have true happiness in Christ
[00:30:21.700]
you know, a different mate, more money, a new car, that stuff makes you happy for a moment and then it fades to black. And so.
[00:30:30.100]
You’re the same person.
[00:30:31.700]
Yeah, it doesn’t change anything. Then you want the next thing, you know? And so if, and when you’re a Christian and a person of faith, that’s your whole, the way you view the world and your life’s mission and stuff like that is so different. And then that makes up for a more fulfilling marriage. So I don’t know.
[00:30:51.200]
I was just thinking too, you also, your grandma on the other side just passed away a few months ago.
[00:30:56.800]
And they were married 70 plus years.
[00:30:58.700]
We got to see them be married 70 plus years also. And it was also such a beautiful picture because when she passed away, we were at her funeral. Like your grandpa, he is a pastor. He did not preach her funeral, but he was on that front row and he was like praising God at her funeral. And that was just really beautiful.
[00:31:16.800]
So we’ve had some good examples of that.
[00:31:19.000]
Yeah, he took care of her the last few years of her life She suffered from dementia and stuff and he was by her side the whole time, you know, and then yeah at her funeral He was praising God because he knows like she’s in heaven and you know, no longer are suffering and it was like man that’s just a neat picture to see of somebody building a life together and you know till death do you part and it was like that’s that’s the way God intended marriage to be and That’s always the goal that is the goal So I just think back on that it’s like gosh when you think about people like that who have lived their lives in covenant marriage Lasted until death and it just it’s really cool and seems to be rare And so when you see that it’s just really cool. And so that’s a goal for us It’s getting more and more rare But you know, I mean there’s nothing more that Satan loves and tearing apart the family You know and if the family unit can be destroyed
[00:32:14.000]
Then Satan’s then Satan can win.
[00:32:16.100]
I think it’s so common now to like even on Instagram You’ll see people who married like I have followed this one lady her and her husband married had eight kids together Always looked happy and then one day she’s like, oh, we’re getting divorced. Bye. Bye. So now all her photos There’s no dad. There’s no husband. It’s just her and her kids and it’s like I don’t know what happened But how sad to break that apart? Yeah And I think it’s becoming just more common to just see that even in Christian culture and so We see that and it’s heartbreaking and the goal is to not get there Yes, and I think it all starts with communicating and making a time for it to talk each day Make your marriage a priority and it does not have to be date nights every week
[00:33:02.500]
wouldn’t that be glorious? But that’s just not a reality in most cases.
[00:33:06.400]
No, it’d be great, but we can’t do that.
[00:33:08.300]
We just can’t do that.
[00:33:09.400]
But we do other times, like our mornings and evenings and Sundays and suppertime and then we go date nights occasionally.
[00:33:18.100]
Or we do day dates, which I actually love. As a self -employed people, we can do that. Yeah, we can do that. Let’s go have lunch. Kids are at school. Yeah, our kids are all taken care of, so let’s go eat lunch. A few months ago, I remember, well, this is kind of boring because obviously we’ve been married a while, but we had to go pick out appliances for the new house. Remember? So we met at the appliance store, picked out our appliances, went and had lunch and then went shopping.
[00:33:43.600]
You bought me a new coat that day. Yeah, and I don’t know what else we got But it was just fun and it took a few hours, but we got to spend time together And so day dates are great You know, I don’t think you have to do like fancy date nights all the time You don’t it can be what works for you and your schedule and once again anytime your kids can see you Doing things like this. It’s gonna make them want to emulate that or not Emulate that in their own marriages. Yeah Very very important that your kids see you, you know, and I’ve read several things it’s like don’t try to hide all your disagreements from your kids because sometimes they need to see you disagree and Reconcile so that they don’t always think oh marriage is supposed to be easy and perfect. Yeah, I’m not saying you need to like
[00:34:33.000]
Have huge fights in front of your kids, but it’s okay to have disagreements in front of them Yeah, it’s okay for them to see you like oh mom and dad didn’t agree But look how they like solved that and came back together. I think that’s important.
[00:34:45.200]
It is So I would just say like one of the most important things is spending time together That seems so like simple when you say that it is simple and it’s powerful But it’s like you have to spend time together and what and and focused on one another You know look at each other in the eye and have a conversation I don’t mean just like being in the same house walking back and forth by each other Doing things and taking care of kids and whatever clean and doing it, you know, that’s not spending time together You’re in the same house, but you’re not Spending time together and we have stretches where it feels like that of like Yeah, it’s just chaotic.
[00:35:24.300]
Yeah, seven kids is chaotic
[00:35:27.800]
It can be like you, you know, did you do this? Did you do this? So, and I’m not saying that we’re like on cloud nine all the time either. But I will say that almost 17 years in, like I love you more now than I did when we got married. Yes, likewise. It’s deeper.
[00:35:46.300]
Yes. That’s also a cool part about marriage is, and it goes back into having, you know, having a deep rooted faith, but like the longer you’re in marriage with the deep rooted faith, the more you start to really get it. And you get the point of the, you know, the covenant and the family unit and watching your family grow and building a life together. You start, it starts to make even more sense and become even more meaningful to you.
[00:36:15.600]
For sure. And I think that is the goal is like grow together so that when you have been married a while,
[00:36:22.500]
you’re happier now than you were then. And I think it’s important in a marriage to let each other be individuals and appreciate each person for who they are and not always try to change them into who you think they should be. There has to be some freedom of that. God did not make me and you to be the same. Yeah, no. He made us to compliment each other. When God made Adam, he was like, oh, he needs a helper because Lord knows men need helpers.
[00:36:57.800]
Amen to that.
[00:36:58.600]
So he’s like, it’s not good for man to be alone. I’m gonna create a woman for him to be by his side. But he did not make Adam and Eve alike.
[00:37:08.000]
You know that this can be a hot topic in culture today, but like women are very distinct We can do things men can’t and men can do things we can’t yeah, and like that’s good It’s good that women have their own Things they’re great at and men have their things they’re great at and we don’t have to be equal to each other true So I think we’ve learned how to understand like okay Your qualities are different than mine and you don’t have to be just like me And just like appreciating each other for who we are being realizing.
[00:37:41.800]
We’re on the same team. Yes I’m the same team.
[00:37:44.400]
So this was kind of a long episode. We hope you hung with us We hope you got a lot out of that. We hope it can help you in your marriage because we love Strong marriages and strong families.
[00:37:56.300]
Yes. I’m gonna keep the families together. Do not get divorced
[00:38:00.200]
Stick with it, communicate overall, find time to spend it together daily, talk and be on the same team.
[00:38:11.800]
Yes. So, until next time.
[00:38:14.300]
See you next time.